By George, I think I've got it

SK43G, Sempron 2200. eth0: Via Rhine driver -- DLink 350TX? I'll have to look it up. eth1: RealTek 8139 onboard. ifconfig eth0 192.168.0.1 netmask 255.255.255.0 route add default gw 192.168.0.254 (log in as self) ssh 192.168.0.254 BAM -- freezes hard, and even the Magic SysRq key does nothing. Reboot... ifconfig eth1 192.168.0.1 netmask 255.255.255.0 route add default gw 192.168.0.254 (log in as self) ssh 192.168.0.254 Password: BAM! (the good BAM, this time) Yay! No BIOS upgrade required maybe! (UPDATE: Spelled out which one was eth1 [the onboard Realtek]. What a maroon!)